Feel The Burn

On the precipice of a new 365, one must really take account of the months behind them.I found myself speed-walking backwards into the hallways of memory, replaying the cinematic narratives of timely happenstances.Purpose driven.Life-transforming.Without notice.New asphalt, new faces, deep connections, roads paved in concrete, roses bursting between the cracks. A quick homage to Tupac.5 Classes.Struggling students, with ones excelling next to them.Agendas.Grading crams.Appointments.Functional class.Power-boxing.Speaking events.Study to show thyself approved.The kids.The marriage.The chores.The beckon of the Ecclesia.Chasing the Spirit.Cultivating important relationships.Thinking outwards.Operation Snowball Club Sponsor-mentor those kids.My aging parents.Professional learning team lead. Send the agendas, field teacher concerns, show up early, be the change...Project 214-she's alive and needs attention.College instructor. Log in, show up, instruct tomorrow's teachers. Have strong ideas. Grade earnestly, they need their feedback.Go.Go.Go.Right around the 1st week of December, I crashed.Hard.Like dangerously so.Started missing important details.Bouts of inadequacy started to germinate.My vision a blur, my body a limp branch.A sudden need to lay down, and stay down.Struggling to catch my oxygen, fighting to keep the lids open. Embarrassing sentiments of being exposed, as I outwardly wrestled this internal battle.Outbursts.Lethargy.A need to be alone.Anxiety covering my breath like a pillow.I kept saying things like, "I'm at the end of myself," and "I'm nothing but a shell right now," followed by a superficial laugh.Then...an epiphany...I was in a war with exhaustion. Its commanding officer? General Burnout. And I was losing.According to Psychology Today:Burnout is one of those road hazards in life that high-achievers really should be keeping a close eye out for, but sadly—often because of their "I can do everything" personalities—they rarely see it coming. Because high-achievers are often so passionate about what they do, they tend to ignore the fact that they're working exceptionally long hours, taking on exceedingly heavy work loads, and putting enormous pressure on themselves to excel—all of which make them ripe for burnout.

What is burnout?

Burnout is a state of chronic stress that can lead to:

• physical and emotional exhaustion
• cynicism and detachment
• feelings of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment
• Anxiety and depression

STOP! I needed to Selah. Assess the damage. You can't confront what you don't identify. Who do I go to with this information? I have a reputation to uphold don't I? Don't we? I digress. Pride attempted a jarring arrest.Managing to pry out of pride's grip...I collapsed in His elastic and all encompassing Presence.The cure? A series of ongoings. Rest. Rejuvenation. Movement. The word No. The Man Jesus. Unencumbered honesty with yourself and those strong enough to handle your personal truth.I struggle with burnout. I fall victim to exhaustion. It's an ongoing incline for me. As the madman once put it, "I admit the deed, it is the beating of its hideous heart..."-insert Edgar Allen Poe's classic, "The Tell-Tale Heart."I always have been an over-achiever. Striving, accomplishing, thrusting open my potential, exhibiting courage in the face of gigantic tasks, invading darkness, and having the audacity to teach teenagers just to name some.I get opportunities, and I seize them unabashed.I travel the world unafraid.People see in me what I can't see yet, so I trust their extractions.I long to grow, to lead, to admonish, to inspire.Here's the risk.The catch.Without pace, burning out is inevitable.Listen, you're not alone. Just take my hand. We can do this.Before you count me out, and lay your hand just under your neck in subtle judgment while jerking your neck, I'm the queen of comebacks.I'll later be the one that He can use to pull you out of your pit when you need it.Jesus once said in a perilous time to his audience during his soliloquy of the Father: "Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."-Math 11:28The Message version reeks havoc on this. Check it out.“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out...? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”‭‭-Matthew 11:28-30Take it. The ransom was lofty. The exchange out of this world.Identify it. Go ahead, don't be afraid to admit things. It's the first step to recovery of any kind. Put the mask away love, put it aside.Lay down in His love. Let it engulf you like an ocean's current.That's where I'm headed. Meet you there soldier, I'll meet you there.