Rest between the rhythms--back up between the blows.
Just checking in. How are you friend? Where are you right now? It's the end of the year and this is usually the time where we become sober-minded and reflect. Yet, I'm always reflecting. Sometimes too much and for too long, but on the contrary, I've come up for air to give you some pearls I've collected from the bottom of this year's ocean. That's if you're down?
2024 was a series of head on collisions of happiness and horror. It was a compilation of pleasant surprises welcomed and curve balls that hit me hard and quick.
I never knew such pain this year. Never knew it like this, dressed like this, weighted like this, coming for me like this. I've come to discover joy and suffering can co-exist. I'm embracing like a fleece that drapes my chest that I can be broken open by happenstance and sowed back together by inner-work and gifted blessings at the same time.
So many things were both snatched from me and given to me. I've been living in this duality of existence all year and here's what I'm learning:
*acceptance is a powerful indicator of growth
*this life is not permanent so don't hold things so close to the chest
*at any moment, we are all capable of breaking bad-so grace will be needed and should be on call both for others and for ourselves
*protection of peace is paramount and not a selfish act
*you control the waves of your emotions and where they end, but let them pass through you first
*in order to operate at a different frequency you have to literally die and pass away from the one you dwell in now
*grief is a teacher, sadness is a professor of a billion lectures in one
*Surviving and thriving both talk and cuddle each other as we ebb and flow in our dailies
I'm learning and have subscribed to resting between the rhythms of my work, my creativity, my pain, and life's occurrences that I control not and never will.
I've been a student of backing up with every blow so the punch loses contact and I can assess the injury.
From saying goodbye to Papi as he enters a dementia long term care facility, to losing a fellowship I worked several years to get and become qualified for, to watching many of my relationships dear to me implode, to being a victim of verbal harassment, to saying goodbye to our family dog of 12 years, to feeling the strain of returning from a leave of absence that drained more than just my energy, but much of my resources I depended on.
Returning to work and having our server compromised and existing with no internet in a 1-1 laptop, Microsoft tech-driven setting.
Strain, tug, pull, punch, sting. Taking the long way.
Body...collapsing as I write...
Yet, in the terror, I was able to share my message of justice and equity on so many stages, sit at so many tables, becoming the table --strong and sturdy.
And yet, the Universe opened up to me and handed me boxing gloves, a clear reflection for the mirror work, words on words dropped in my cerebrum for creation purposes.
Holding my children, being held by my husband, tantalizing my tastebuds with delicious foods, seeing and exploring new horizons...this all co-existed.
Returning to the classroom, meeting my students, locking in with my students, falling in love with teaching- my element-all over again but in a unique way through the lens of chaos and concerted efforts--I'm struggling to explain this for you and even for me.
I can keep naming things, labeling things, identifying moments and situations and scenarios, but that would negate the point.
Here it is:
I found this year something I never knew had breath or heartbeat--an ascended version of Self that is detaching from all and every outcome, and watching wounds close and heal for the very first time with this much sobriety of thought. What has surfaced?
*what does it matter?
*let it go and let it drift away
*surviving and thriving are not often separate
*stop the strain and strive at some point and stand still
*go back for your spirit man and your inner child and have quality time together and listen closely to what they tell you
What a strange place, but Imma pull my hair back from my face and let it pass through me for a minute.
*forgive yourself --A constant for me this year
*let things rest for awhile without fixing it---because can you really anyways without nature coursing, God, and the energy radiating through this world giving it a whirl first?
Here I leave you....
Rest between the rhythms and cadence of your life-flow. Don't even think on it, just stop and rest and lay down and breathe and cry and ponder and feel the very essence of time washing over you.
Back up with each blow. With every blow that life hands you, attacks you with, comes at you hard with, is ruthless with...back up...guard's up...you don't have to sit there and take it.
Back up to distance yourself from the punch, assess, align, bandage, fall asleep and wake up...just wake up.
Help will eventually come--and if it doesn't----in the interim----rise up to help yourself and call on the One who is overseeing it all. Good luck, God bless, I wish you well in the days ahead.
Still figuring it out,
Mrs. G.